Too Complex and Really Hard

Today marks six weeks since my hip replacement. And while still recovering, we have learned my other hip has gone on to collapse, leading to a greater abundance of pain. And so, in two short weeks we will be facing yet another hip replacement surgery. It has come as a huge surprise, having to climb this cruel mountain again so soon. We are weary and worn, fighting off a complete sense of defeat.

 

We received the additional news this week that my lupus is again active, leading to more pain and fatigue. Unfortunately, the meds used to treat it are too severe to be given preoperatively. So we are needing to move forward, despite a flare.

All of this feels too complex. And all of this feels really hard. 

 

I've recently been reminded of the story of Joseph, a man who was sold into slavery by his own brothers. He later went on to spend time in jail for a crime he didn't commit. In his heart he remained faithful to God- though at each turn it seemed God was not hearing his prayers. In fact, not only did it seem God was not hearing him, it seemed for years things were only getting worse.

That was a story I could relate to. As it has seemed the more we pray, the more dismal the picture has become. Rather than getting better, at each turn, I've gotten worse. 

Even so, we can't deny the profound grace felt and the overwhelming sense that we are being carried. 

My house is clean, as a friend has hired someone to clean for us. There is food in our fridge, as friends have generously bonded together to provide a meal delivery service for us. People have prayed, and people have called. And God has met us at each step, providing for our every need. 

In the midst of all our pain, he really does carry our world. 

Joseph's story wasn't finished. In the end, God reunited Joseph with his brothers. Not only that, but he also gave him a position of authority, using him to feed the entire nation of Israel during a famine. 

God had been there the whole time. The whole time he was trustable. The whole time he was working. Orchestrating for greater good. Even in what felt like the dark.

John Newton says, "...everything is needful that he sends; nothing can be needful that he withholds...".

Every. Single. Thing. 

Tim Keller says, "Again and again in the Bible, God shows that he is going to get his salvation done through weakness, not strength, because Jesus will triumph through defeat, will win by losing, he will come down in order to go up. In the same way, we get God's saving power in our life only through the weakness of repentance and trust. And, so often, the grace of God grows more through our difficulties than our triumphs."

And so today we are holding to this promise, believing as stated in John 13:7, "You do not realize what I am doing, but later you will understand"...